Flying Over Water

Last night, after finishing the season finale of the 31st season of Survivor, I found myself both emotional and nostalgic. The show, apparently, had taken me to a place.

I pulled out my phone and began scrolling through my memories, moments captured over the year. There was a picture of a lady bug; I remembered how it lingered on my big floppy hat while at Santa Monica beach in April. There was the double rainbow picture I took while eating dinner outside a resort in Phoenix, Arizona—I revisited the meaning it brought to me that evening. There was the picture of my ice cream cone I took while on a solo excursion in Rhode Island back in July—that trip was filled with many wholesome and affirming conversations.

I have been all over this year, literally and figuratively. I couldn’t help but remember, too, where I was at the beginning of the year. Still part time at another practice in Capitol Hill, balancing my personal life with my nonprofit and growing my own practice part time. I remembered how propelled I was, when I finally gave my one month notice: it’s time for me to dedicate all of my time and energy into growing my own practice. It was the ultimate destination I had been moving towards since I graduated in June of 2018.

In April, I was officially on my own—my own boss, solely reliant on myself for income. Moving forward, I began referring to this year as my walking on water year. I felt a command to do something I’d never done before, knowing both that it was the right thing to do and that I’d also need a new level of Faith to do it.

Orchestrated & Directed.

The spirit animal that came to me for inspiration and guidance this year was the beaver. The Beaver Returns was the message I heard. The beaver represents productivity, efficiency, and the urgency to build. The beaver is a keystone species, meaning it has an integral connection and relationship within the community, beyond itself.

In reality, the beaver has signified the rise of the underdog, the oppressed, the misfits. The beaver has been an omen, a rainbow in the sky, a lighthouse in the middle of the ocean for those who have been waiting…obediently, patiently for “their moment.” This year has been a call to rise into a truth that you have been waiting to receive, an inner permission, an identity you have been longing to know…to be.

Indeed, this sign and energy has been confirmed both within me and in those I have been called to work with over the year. I have seen it over and over again: promotions, launching and building of businesses and entrepreneurial pursuits, the “loss” of jobs in order to create space for something more special and lasting, emotional breakdowns coupled with spiritual breakthroughs. All of this, an orchestrated signaling of freedom being found and truth being sought after.

Now Fly.

Indeed, I have walked across water this year. I have accomplished something that, ordinarily, had I not been strategically prepared for, I wouldn’t have had the courage to do. My fears, my anxieties, my past—they would have consumed me, I would have been too heavy to tread across water. The same has been true for you. Had you not been prepared in the way you had, you would have fallen in…you would have been taken by the vastness of the ocean and journey ahead. But you didn’t. You walked. You kept your head up and your eyes forward—you walked across water because you were prepared in such a way that you were able to harness a balanced understanding of your past, while knowing and trusting the future that is ahead of you.

But now, now it’s time to fly.

You see, what we gain from seasons and moments in our life when we do something that we, honestly, from some part of us, thought we wouldn’t be able to do: is freedom. You break through a barrier, a wall that you didn’t think could come down. You now get to say and see, “wow, I was able to do that!!!” Yes, you did. Now you know. Now you know, at least in part, what you are capable of. And this year, the experiences that were gifted to you, will now serve as the steps that will take you higher—to another realm of being that is waiting for you.

Close your eyes and fly over this year. Feel the wind beneath your wings. Look down over all that you’ve grown through this year. Look back over all the places you visited. See the way you were emotionally vulnerable this year, and even through those moments, you gained access to a certain level of strength, self-acceptance, and compassion. See, feel, honor the inner power you’ve come to recognize within yourself.

Affirming Prayer. . .

It’s clear now. It’s clear that I am capable of immeasurably more. I am grateful for my messy beautiful life. I thank God for being with me, speaking to me, and opening my eyes. I am grateful for every lesson. I am grateful for every high and low. I know its all been a necessary part of my becoming. I believe in me. I believe…I know I can fly.

Darrien Jamar