Emotional Justice: The Power of a Good Cry.
They come out of nowhere nowadays. Sure, I may feel a little “off” at the start of my day. I may be a bit more on edge. Things that normally wouldn’t irritate me, suddenly seem like the worst thing in the world. “Why is that refrigerator making that noise.” “Why are people calling me in the middle of the day, don’t they know I have stuff to do?” I usually have to take more breaks and a few more deep breaths just to stay sane. But, at this point, I don’t think it’s that serious. I don’t think it really calls for this….
And then--it happens. Next thing you know, I’m running to the bathroom. I’m crying. I’m breaking down. It was something that Sarah Jakes Roberts said that caused the release. I slammed my bathroom door and slowly slid down the support of the wall to the cold floor. There I sat. Sobbing.
What I’m beginning to realize, after my 3rd cry for the month of June, is that every cry has a story. Every cry gives me a new perspective, greater awareness of myself and some of the things I may be suppressing or overlooking. It’s my red light, my stop sign. A good cry serves as a way of finally getting my attention on a few matters. If we allow the space, our cries can serve as our teacher.
This cry gave me a few notes...
"I'm fu***** exhausted." Straight forward, this message. But, it's true. I hit a point sometimes when I'm done trying to improve. I'm done with all the self-development crap. Some days, I just want to wake up, skip meditation and maybe leave my bed undone. I'd still want to brush my teeth, of course. I’d put on some athletic wear, and wouldn't think twice about doing my hair. “If I were a boyyyyyyy,” I’d sing to myself.
The sub-header: and why did YOU give me the responsibility of putting this sh** back together? It's a feeling that I've honestly, always felt. Like I was given a life that I pleaded with God that I'd rather not have. I’m not being ungrateful here, I’m just saying that I saw these signs and symptoms at a very young age: that this life would be a tough one, filled with lots of discomfort. I guess, in part, this cry was also about my anger with whoever is in charge up there…
Lighten your load. I'm learning more and more that what I consider to be a light load is not really light. I guess it’s because I built my workaholic tolerance up so high, that I'm still coming down off of it. This cry was definitely a warning that I need to tame things down even more. "Okay okay, I will," as I cleaned up my remaining tears and got up off the floor.
If you find yourself about to "go there," don't resist it...let it happen. Let that baby come out. Once it does, maybe you’ll decide you want to give the cry a name. I'd recommend getting to know it's underlying personality. Ask it questions. Above all, listen. Just like a sneeze serves to protect your body's immune system by riding it of harmful substances, a cry serves to get rid of deep stuff that we've been carrying around. A good cry serves as a messenger. A good cry always tells a story.